The deluge of voices in this sea of people,

Drowning the valiant cries of my struggle.

Where am I headed towards, I knew if only,

In the company of millions, yet so lonely.

The road has no name, it leads to every place,

I wonder if it will take me to the one, to whom I am not just a face.

I walk with countless bodies, but no one holds my hand,

No one makes me smile, no one to steer me to the bank.

I rummage for warmth, strain my ears to hear a symphony,

But all I am met with is the cold stares, amidst the cacophony.

I scan every vacant eye, search those faces of stone,

In the hope of a gleam, which will thrill me to the bone.

My heart says that he too waits for me, enduring the same pain,

Walking behind me, or crouched in the nook of some lane.

The universe will conspire for our paths to cross and eyes to meet,

After all good things come not to those who wait, but to those that seek.

Those nights I spent immersed in you,

Those days I began with your name,

Those moments in which you were so real to me,

Those times I believed things could remain the same.

In the past, it is so far far away,

But still seems like it was yesterday,

Refusing to leave my despondent thoughts,

Tormenting me, wreaking a havoc.

They have come, they have gone,

But somehow you seem to hold on,

To that lonely nook in my heavy heart,

Appears tiny but occupies the whole compass.

Love unrequited, answers unfulfilled,

Desires unaccomplished, or is it my own guilt,

Eager to return to that blissful place,

Going back there, tracing our steps.

I beg, I pray , I plead, I cry in dismay,

For your memories to go away,

So that I can again feel complete,

Savor every hour before they quickly fleet.

Life doesn’t cease, I still exist,

Going through the daily rituals, testing my grit,

With a silent prayer on my lips to whoever who listens,

Take me from the melancholy, don’t let my eyes moisten.

A Day in Life

I gaze into the space infinite, sparkling with stars countless,

While I voyage through the tar and bricks, where one is there, yet so faceless.

The moon follows my steps; it shines in all its glory,

Ah the benevolence it radiates; and I know that I am not solitary.

I reach my vacant dwelling; all weary and comfortless,

No one to wipe my silent tear; not a soul to whom I can undress,

Listless I gaze up again; and am met with mates illimitable,

Their splendor lifts my sullen face, and I know I am indomitable.

The birds are chirping and the sun has risen, freeing from the night’s embrace,

My mates have vanished and my grit is waning; the unsparing world again I have to face.

A fragrant breeze wafts from nowhere and brushes softly against my face,

I consume its ambrosial, rejuvenating scent; and I know that I am safe.

I set out again on my journey; the expedition for excellence and accolades,

I must brave the maddening tussle; I am sure I don’t want to fade.

The sun shines blazes on other’s heads; they think it is cruel,

But I see its unique hue of red; and I know that I am real.

I have lasted an another; a day of trial and tribulations,

Spoken to by a million tongues; but not a sign of appreciation.

It’s late and I walk back home; for them I have nothing but pity,

The moon comes back and I look at it; and I know that I am not empty.

His body is bruised, his strength is flickering,

His path his dark but he must keep running.

With parched throat and red eyes he rummages for solace,

He must keep running, because he doesn’t want the disgrace.

Neck deep in melancholy, he gropes in the mist,

Maybe he will find an angel, or maybe meet someone’s fist.

Loneliness is a sad affair, how he yearns for companionship,

But who is the one, how would he know, who will understand his fix.

Down the road he continues to tread,

In search of answers which a part of him dreads.

He stops short, what if that is not what I am looking for,

But who is he to decide the answer to the question he is tormented for.

All the world’s a stage, the Bard once said, and how well did he say,

All one can do is keep going and pray that he doesn’t sway.

At the far end of his path he spots a divine light,

A smile spreads across his face, the sky suddenly seems bright.

He races towards his destiny, for he has found his elixir

The answer to all his prayers, the key to all his dreams.

He now has a spring in his steps as he takes long strides,

He has a retort for every aspersion cast and for every chide.

He reaches the light and stands humbled before its glory,

“O Magnificient One, render a fitting end to my story.

I have stumbled time and again in the pursuit of triumph,

I am battered and bruised and I cannot bear to fall in any more slumps. ”

The light shines even brighter and blinds him momentarily,

And then it disappears, oh so hastily.

Engulfed with darkness he decides to run again,

After all he is a seasoned runner, be it in any terrain.

He leaves behind the place where he deemed his answers lay,

But as he runs he realizes that all his demons he has slay.

For success did not lie in any divine light shining,

Triumphant was him, the one who kept running.

It’s time. We all wished that it would never come, but when have those kinds of wishes ever come true. I still can’t believe that I will be bidding adieu to my college in a week’s time. It has been my home for the past two years and has been the most fulfilling experience of my education. These years truly helped me enrich as a person as I learnt many valuable lessons which are going to remain with me forever. I would like to say a heartfelt thanks to all the people who helped me gain these insights. All those who were nice to me and even those who weren’t…..you all made me learn a lot and made these two years truly worthwhile. Good things happened to me, for which I am most thankful for. A lot of bad things happened too….but most of them led me to a better place….and those which didn’t, I am sure are eagerly waiting for their chance. A song by Greenday goes, ‘It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life. ’ I really did have the time of my life.

I had many adventures here (almost got bitten by a snake once), learnt how to truly get engrossed in one’s work (some colleagues really inspired me with their passion and zeal towards the course), understood what it felt like to let your hair down and just have fun (thanks to the innumerable DJ parties which are a permanent feature of any function here), discovered that my specialty lies in performing at the last minute (most of my assignments were made like that) and realized that sleep is a luxury (especially during evaluation weeks). However the most beautiful gift this college gave me are the amazing friends I made. I am sure when we are 30 somethings and look back fondly at our college days, we will not remember the harrowing schedules, the “oh so soon” deadlines and the race for marks. What were are actually going to fondly remember is the laughter, the carefree fun and the bond we shared with our beautiful friends. I am sure everyone will agree with me that these friends were the ones which acted as a cushion against this maddening competition to be the best.

I dedicate this post to all my friends who were always there for me and the beautiful memories I will cherish forever. I have always seen true friendship as a guitar….even when the music is not on, the strings are still attached. And I am truly fortunate for being blessed with friends who live up to this belief. I can never forget those friends of mine who despite not being present with me, were there to support me at every step. Be it talking over the phone or chatting online, they have never ever disappointed me and I am sure will never do so in the future.

My friends here were no less. I have no clue how I am going to live without seeing them every day. I am sure I will adjust somehow but that does not change the fact that they will be sorely missed. George Elliot once said, ‘only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love,’ and it’s so true. Now that I know that my days in this place are limited I have started introspecting into how integral they had become in my life. It’s always the little things that you miss. I cannot believe that I am not going to have my meals with them, share the accounts of my day with them, celebrate every little thing, have midnight binge sessions….sounds scary. They managed to do the craziest things to help me out and still behaved like it was not a big deal. But the most important thing I will miss is the unrestrained laughter we shared. One of the beauties of friendship is that you can afford to be on your most idiotic behavior and still be loved and accepted. I really want to thank my friends for being that way. They allowed me to be just myself and loved me for that. In this insane world where we have to wear so many different masks, it was a true solace to find a place where no such masks were required.

I am not very good with goodbyes. It kills me to part with people I love and I cannot stand the myriad emotions overwhelming my being. But I just want to let all my friends know that they mean the world to me and I wish them all the luck in the world in their future endeavors. You have helped me remain sane and are solely responsible for me retaining my optimism and patience in this mad mad world. And it is with great pain that I say goodbye to you. But I guess this is important. Life never remains the same. It is imperative for us to part because we all are meant for bigger things in life. And we are saying goodbye only so that we can meet again after we have achieved our true purpose. As one of my favorite quote goes, “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Let us all wear a big smile and celebrate the fact that we happened to each other and gave each other lovely memories which will warm our hearts for many years to come. There is no such thing as the end. Everything is the beginning of something new. I wish everyone best of luck. May each of us fulfill our destinies and attain all the success, love and happiness we are made to attain. I would like to leave my friends on this note,

“Goodbyes are not forever,

Goodbyes are not the end,

It simply means I will miss you,

Until we meet again”

Hi there

Welcome to Agony and Ecstasy. This blog is all about love, life, friendship and all the other hackneyed stuff about which much has already been written on this blogosphere. So there are strong chances that a sense of deja vu will overcome you while going through some parts of this blog. But that is the price I pay for not jumping on the bandwagon earlier (much earlier, in fact). But as they say, better late than sorry (deja vu no.1). So just read along.

I am Bithika......quite an unusual name for a human, you might thing. But it does have a meaning. Apparently, the ancient forms of abstract painting used to be called "Bithi Chitra" in Sanskrit. Hence the name Bithika meaning "abstract and artistic" (the relevance of the latter part to my personality is a bone of contention). It also has a meaning in Bengali - something related to the forest, a meaning which many have conveniently translated into "wild" (some call me jungli billi as a result). I am very well aware of the peculiarity of my name, but nonetheless I love it. I feel a bizarre sense of pleasure when people come up to me and ask whether there is a spelling error in my name or such a name actually exists. As for me, I don't find my name that weird....but maybe that is because I have been living with it for the past nineteen years.

I chose to name the blog " Agony and Ecstasy" because I do believe that our lives are a mixture of both (deja vu no. 2) ....and also because I have always liked this phrase a lot, for some inexplicable reason. However cliched it may sound, but 'tis true. One's life is not always agonizing nor is truly ecstatic. It is upon the individual to strike a balance between these two and lead a content life. And this can only happen is one always tries to learn something useful from each incident.
For instance, thanks to my dad's job, I have literally spent my life like a gypsy. I had to face a lot of problems due to this. It affected my studies (I have changed as many as nine schools), gave me a major culture crisis and worse of all, I had to say goodbye to a lot of friends, some of them such gems that it killed me to part with them.
But it also came as blessing in disguise to me, for I also learnt some valuable lessons that are going to enrich my life forever. For starters, I have learnt to adapt to any situation and gel with any kind of person. Moreover, it has made me very mindful of other people's space and thus has given me a wider and a deeper perspective of life. As for my culture crisis, I have learnt to rather pride myself as a cosmopolitan.

Because of this, I have developed rather stiff likes and dislikes. For instance, I absolutely abhor people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that other people too have feelings and points of views which are needed to be respected as much as theirs. I absolutely cannot stand people who view the world with their own narrow perspective and dismiss those who don't fall under it.
An another thing I detest, actually abominate in people is pessimism. It is almost a vice and must be immediately exorcised if it grips an individual. It is said that your attitude determines your altitude (deja vu no. 3) and negative attitude hardly takes you anywhere as it cripples you even before you start to climb.

Due to my father's job, I have made a lot of amazing friends and I am greatful to each of them for accepting me as I am and taking me into their lives. I feel that the biggest virtue a friend must have is unconditionality (I hope the noun usage is correct). A true friend must always support you, come what may, without being judgmental. And yes, a friend should also have a good sense of humor. I pity humorless people, for humor not only keeps the atmosphere lively, but also prevent you from taking yourself too seriously.

One of my dearest friends favorite saying is, " you cannot get everything you want in life". It is true indeed. In spite of my reservations, I may have to put up with someone whose sense of humor can be best described as deadpan, or someone so negative that killing him would actually be a service to mankind. But I will be a winner if I do this all with a smile and at the end of the day, am able to sit back and sigh "It is the best of times, it is the worse of times." (The Tale of Two Cities being one of my all time favorite books)

I leave you on this note, with an earnest hope that my indolence doesn't get the better of me and I am able to post something really soon.

bye.